My Prince Charming Is Not

Prince Charming. You see him in movies. You hear about him in fairy tales. He is the one to rescue the princess who has found herself in an unfortunate situation. He is regal and thinks of nothing but saving his princess. He is handsome and always looks his best. He never smells weird or wears clothes that his princess would be embarrassed by. And according to everything I just said, my husband is no Prince Charming. He does not live up to those expectations that every little girl has when she watches her favorite Disney movie.

Andy is a farm boy. He does not always have the right words to say to make me feel better. He dreams (like, in his sleep) about farming, and that is just weird to me. He sometimes gets preoccupied with work and does not always have the time to do what I would like because of it. He is very handsome, but sometimes he comes home dusty and dirty, smelling like whatever chemicals or grain he has been around that day. His fashion sense is non-existent. He is no Prince Charming.

And sometimes I fault him for not being what I expected. When he falls short, I wonder why he does not try harder. Truth is, he is one of the hardest working people I know. He worked his way through college so he could graduate debt free (happy dance!!). He spends extra hours at work, even on Saturdays in order to get the job done. He would go out of his way to lend a hand when and where it is needed. When he puts his mind to something, there is no stopping him. I am truly proud of his hard work and determination, and I love him all the more for it!

But can I tell you a secret? I do not always love my husband. WHAT?! You must be thinking I am the worst wife ever. But I think I would be a worse wife if I lied and said I did. And I would be willing to bet he does not always love me. Our marriage must be doomed, right? Nope!

Loving a person who fails is not always easy. Loving someone else when you yourself are not perfect is not always easy. Loving someone who gets on your nerves sometimes, who you sometimes disagree with, who sometimes says the absolute wrong thing, who does not live up to all of your expectations. That is not an easy thing to do. Sometimes you find that the love you have for them is nowhere to be found.

I do not always love my husband, but even in those moments, he is still my best friend. He is that one person that I want to talk to, laugh with, laugh AT, and just simply spend time with. God has given us the grace needed to get through those rough patches and come out with more love in our hearts for each other.

Marriage is not about having all the right answers. It is about discovering each other and learning to appreciate the things that make both individuals who they are. Andy may not always have it all together, and I know I am worse than he is most times. But together, with God leading us, we are invincible! God has given us strength and patience for each other.

I have learned a lot from marriage. But more than anything, I have learned that my husband will never be 100% perfect or 100% the person I need him to be 100% of the time, and I will never be those things for him either. And it is in those shortcomings that we learn to be a better couple. It is through those times that the love we truly have for each other is strengthened.

I have learned that I would choose a life with a stinky, goofy, strange, unfashionable, hard-working, encouraging man than a life with Prince Charming any day! Because Prince Charming would never get over the fact that my hair is not always in place, my make up is not always perfect (pretty much almost never), I am messy, and I do not always handle my emotions with grace. But my husband accepts all of that and loves me still.

I will leave you with a few pictures from a day that my hair and make up were perfect, we smiled all day (until it hurt), and we undoubtedly felt love for each other. (Photo cred goes out to http://www.orangepeelphoto.com/)

This was the look on my husband's face the first time he saw me on our wedding day. We did a first look before the ceremony, just the two of us (and our photographers), and we exchanged personalized vows that we wrote for each other. This look on his face is unlike any I could have even imagined!

This sums up our relationship perfectly! We are goofy, and I would not trade it for the world!

He kissed me on the tip of my nose before kissing me on the lips. Again, perfect!

Fervent Fridays - Build Your Kingdom Here

In an attempt to get myself on here more regularly, I have decided to start a regular posting every Friday. I am calling this "Fervent Fridays" and will post a song, scripture, video or other form of media that is especially close to my heart. I enjoy digging in to what God has for me, and find joy in sharing that with others. I hope you find these regular Friday posts as a source of encouragement as we experience little gems from God together! Along with some, I may write a short (or, knowing myself, long) blurb about what that particular item means to me. With others, I may just leave you to receive what God gives you through it. Either way, my desire is for this to be an interactive post. I'd love to hear what God speaks to you through the different outlets. I'd love for all of us to gain insight from each other, not just my ramblings.

Welp. Here's the first of hopefully many!!

Today, I'd like to share with you a song that has been my favorite for a few weeks now. The first time I heard it, I fell in love with its passion, prayer, timeliness. It is the desire of my heart to always echo the words spoken, as it should be for all of us! Enjoy, and please let me know what you think! Remember, it's about the words, not necessarily the style of the music. :)

"Build Your Kingdom Here" by the Rend Collective Experiment

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YcSWpVKKMcs

-Go sing God's love song to the world!

You've Got That Grace Amazing

Grace - I've heard it used in different ways. From acting in a graceful manner to gracing someone with your presence. From being used as a name to being the prayer we pray before our meals. In preparation for what I felt God calling me to write about, I got on dictionary.com and looked up the word GRACE. I wanted to better understand the many aspects of such a simple, beautiful, and yet complex word. Many times we hear grace right along with Christ and what He has done for us. Maybe I could come to understand more of who He is by looking in to this one little word. What I found truly kicked me in the gut. As I read the many definitions of grace, I found that in nearly each one, I was realizing something about the character and true nature of God, which brought me to tears. I would like to start out (or rather finish this introduction) by saying that God has placed the topic of grace on my heart tonight not only to hopefully reach to someone else, but to grab me and reveal Himself to me in this moment. Even know, I am listening to worship music and weeping at the beauty and sweetness of my Creator!

I am going to share with you the definitions of grace and how they speak to who God is, and the way He can truly turn our world upside-down (in the best way possible!) if we let him! Grace can be used as either a noun or a verb. That in itself is amazing to me, because God is not limited to a box, but rather a being so great that He cannot be contained!

NOUNS:

-Elegance or beauty of form, manner, motion, or action. Other words that could be used in this definition are attractiveness, charm, ease. Now, I have never seen God, though I am excited for that opportunity one day when He decides to call me to my true home in Heaven with Him! While I haven't seen Him, I have seen His beauty and elegance displayed in my life and around me. From the beautiful sunrises which He has painted, to the people around me, whose spirits have been created in His image. Creation gains its beauty from its Creator.

-Favor or goodwill. Other words could include kindness and love. Many verses in the Bible point that God is love. He shows favor on us, His children! Does this mean your life will be without trial, temptation, struggle? NO! It means that His grace, His favor, is over you through whatever valley you may face! He has already won and overcome those moments before you were even born! His favor extended to you before you even imagined what may come. And He is already in your tomorrow, clearing the path for you, if you will choose to follow Him and trust in Him. His love and kindness are not kept from His children, but rather lavished upon us as we lean on Him and live as He has shown us.

-Manifestation of favor, especially by a superior. Other words include forgiveness and charity. God is very much our superior, but how awesome that He is also our friend! He has not so far removed Himself from us that He refuses His grace -His forgiveness! Last Sunday in church, the speaker shared that forgiveness is painful. It costs the forgiver something. And that sometimes forgiveness causes us to draw that person in to a place of closeness with us. God is no exception. His cost of extending forgiveness to us? Christ crucified. Christ knew what was going to happen; He told his disciples about it ahead of time down to the betrayal and death. He could have, at any point, said "no" to what he was on earth to do. Being fully God, he could have chosen to release himself back to the safety of Heaven and avoided being beaten, broken, crucified, and forsaken. But how amazing that his love and forgiveness reached farther than any realms that could have possibly confined him! His forgiveness was given to you when he CHOSE to die on the cross. His forgiveness continues to extend to you. It breaks his heart every time you choose to sin, but his forgiveness is extended, and he is awaiting our repentant heart to turn back to Him! He is not a three-strikes-you're-out kind of god. He is a I-love-you-so-much-that-no-sin-is-too-great-for-me-to-stop-loving-you kind of god.

-Mercy, clemency, pardon. This is maybe the most compelling part of the "noun" of grace for me. God has shown us grace through mercy and pardon. But from what? From ourselves, the world around us, eternal separation from Him. Being born of human flesh, we are instantly doomed to a life without our Creator, but He has extended his mercy so that we have an escape from the evil of the world and from the destination that brings us to. Consider a prisoner on death row. His final destination is what - the electric chair, lethal injection - Death. But what would happen if he were pardoned? He would no longer face death, but rather have the opportunity to live his life fully. This is the same for us! Our pardon has been made. We no longer belong to this world, and I think we can all shout "AMEN" to that! What we deserved, we no longer face once we accept what Christ did for us and live according to that pardon.

VERBS:

-To lend or add grace to. Other words include adorn, embellish, beautify, enhance. It may not seem like that's adding much, but as I look at it and apply that to my life, it's amazing! The sentence that dictionary.com uses to show this word in context is: "Many fine paintings graced the rooms of the house." What does this mean in context of God's grace? When I think of the sample sentence the website used, I see it perfectly! My favorite painting - Starry Night by Vincent VanGogh - is featured prominently in my home. I am proud to own even a copy of it! I enjoy looking at it and sharing it with others. I admire it and feel a connection with the painter himself. Now. Take God. If a painting is meant to adorn, embellish, enhance my surrounding, how much more should God?? Do I feature him in my home and in my life? Am I proud to follow Him? Do I display what He has done in my life so others may see and enjoy it as well? Am I allowing Him to enhance and beautify my life in a way only He is capable of? That is what we should be doing! No, He's not a painting that we can hang on the wall, or in my case, right above our big screen TV so it's always a focal point! But He should be our most proud feature. The one thing in our life that we can't seem to stop bragging about! Is that what He is in your life? I know I still have work to do!

-To favor or honor. As in - to grace an occasion with one's presence. This is very similar to the previous definition, but I think it takes it a step farther. It is not only the effect of being present, but the very presence itself. When God graces you with His presence, He simply allows you into His presence! He makes His environment yours, and your environment His. In reality, we are in the constant presence of God, yet at times we feel it more prominently than at others. Have you ever had that "mountain top moment" where you feel God's presence so strong you could almost reach out and touch Him? Isn't it an amazing feeling? In those moments, He has fully graced you with His presence. As I said, He is always with us, we just don't always feel Him. Why? It could be a possible valley or wilderness that you are walking through and His presence is there, but softly, allowing you to build your trust and faith in Him. It could be that you are being too stubborn to sense Him. It could be sin in your life that you are holding on to. Whatever it is, He is still with you! He has never left you, and He never will. You are his prized possession.

Well, those are the definitions of grace according to dictionary.com and according to Christ and his character. 

In all honesty, this post is about a week overdue. God has been laying it on my heart to dig in and learn what His grace looks like. I have made excuse after excuse not to. Finally, I decided to follow that, and in turn, I have been given a clearer picture of who God is in my life. May my life be one that strives to display Him to those around me! His grace is His beauty, kindness, forgiveness, mercy and love. He graces us through elevating our life to a new level with Him, and through being ever present, whether we feel it or not.

My challenge to you is that you would spend time alone with God today. Ask Him to truly grace you with His presence as you seek Him. Allow Him to sing His love and mercy over you so completely. Then go sing that same love song over those around you. Do not be ashamed of Christ, but rather display His goodness in your life so openly! 

What Is Love? Baby, Don't Hurt Me!

Let me just start out by saying just how wonderful it feels to be blogging right now! My last post was in November. 8 months without posting anything is just WAY TOO long! I've sat down a couple times since then and started one, but never finished it. Well. This time I'm actually going to!

Since my last post, my husband graduated college (YAY!!!), we moved to Nebraska (so not any different than living in Kansas...lame), and we have started going to a new church. I had gone to the same church for 20 years, so to be at a point where we were scouting out and having to find a new place to call home just felt weird. It took only one time of visiting our now home church to know that God wanted us there. We have started getting involved in the men's and women's Bible studies, as well as the worship team. It is a blessing to be able to use the gifts God gave me!

The women's study we are currently doing is called Named By God. It is a great study by Kasey Van Norman. It's a great study that digs through your past, present, and future as a person and a child of God. To any and all women - I encourage you to pick up her book or go through the study. God has broken me and helped me let go of past hurts while He speaks over me my true worth in Him!

I was on Facebook earlier this morning and saw an update from Kasey Van Norman. It was simply put, yet so profound. "God's love for His own is not a pampering love; it is a perfecting love."

WOW! Sometimes we have to see something in front of us before we truly grasp a great truth about who God is! God loves us - I hope we all know that! How God loves us is beyond compare.

Have you ever sat there and been angry at God because He didn't allow something to happen in your life? Or maybe you suffered a great consequence due to sin or doubt in your life. If God really loves you, would He have let you suffer in that way? That seems like a tough question to answer. But really, it's quite simple.

God loves us too much to let us be stupid humans! Sometimes we think because God loves us, our lives will be without struggle and without correction. When we stumble and fall, we expect God to let us be on our way without consequence. We think - I learned my lesson. I'll do better next time! But He loves us too much not to discipline us!

When I was younger, if I lied or disobeyed my mom, I would get spanked. Oh my goodness! I know. Call the police. My mother spanked me. Many times. Why? Because I kept choosing to disobey. Would a parent allow their child to continue to lie, steal, hurt others, or do something that could be dangerous? No, because even we as humans have enough love to correct that behavior and allow the child to live better.

How much more does God love us as His children? It's not all butterflies and unicorns. He loves us enough to, through correction and discipline, continually break us of our flesh. His desire is for us to live according to His will and calling. To live a life pleasing to Him, honoring Him in all we do and say. To live a life that is encouraging to others instead of creating stumbling blocks. We earn the discipline God gives us by what we do.

His perfecting love is also shown in what He allows us to endure. Did you lose your job? Do you have a sick family member with a bleak outlook? Do you still struggle with what that next step is going to be? Sometimes God allows us to go through a period of wilderness in our lives in order to grow us into the man or woman He calls us to be. Sometimes those trials and hardships come not to break our spirit, but to cause us to truly lean on Him!

He loves us enough to not let us do life on our own. He gives us those gentle (and sometimes not-so-gentle) reminders that He is in control and all we have to do is trust in Him!

So. What does God's discipline look like in your life? In what ways has He shown you HE is in control and that your trust needs to be fully in Him? Are you in a period of wilderness in your life? If so, what is God trying to teach you?

Take time to praise God for His discipline and for that wilderness, because that shows us He truly loves you and desires more for your life! He loves to sing His love and mercy over you! Accept that, and go sing His love song to the world around you!

Overcomer

In my last post, I described myself in 10 simple words. I've written quite a bit on being a wife. I introduced you to my sisters, mom, and gramma. I wrote about one of my aunts. I hope it's clear by now that I love God and am a Christian. I haven't talked much about my life as an aunt, but I have 6 nieces, Andy has 2 nieces, and I have a niece or nephew on the way. So - this post will be devoted to being an OVERCOMER! I know I touched on that a little in my last post, but there is more to my story.

I mentioned that a couple months ago I fell into a depression. I haven't shared with too many people, but in early September, I had a miscarriage. I didn't even know I was pregnant. All of the sudden, this dream was being ripped away from us. It's not something I wish anyone to go through, though I know a lot of women do. This took a toll on me emotionally.

I wrestled with God for weeks. I struggled with being angry with Him. Why would He do this to me. Why would He put my husband and I through this? I struggled so much with the feelings of loss, fear, disappointment, anger, confusion. But did you know, our God is not a God who causes these feelings. These are brought on by Satan himself - by the enemy of our lives. God's desire is one of goodness. And the beauty in it all is that He can take something so devastating and make it into something beautiful.

A few weeks after the miscarriage, I was getting really good at hiding how I was feeling about it all except for at home. My husband sat and held me while I cried so much in those few weeks. But it was still more than I could handle. We were sitting at worship practice one night, and God spoke to me through the music and through a friend.

One of the guys who used to go to our church and be involved in the worship team was visiting and spoke to us for a few minutes. Tolu was sharing about his experiences at the International House of Prayer - a 24-hour prayer/worship room. They have them all over and it is a wonderful experience if you ever get the chance to visit one. He shared about how sometimes people will come up and say that they were touched by a certain song. Or how the lyrics spoke directly to them and were what they needed to hear. Music is powerful, and music that glorifies God can do miraculous things!

We went on to have a time of prayer and worship. I went on to wrestle with God again. I was crying out to Him, asking Him why, why why!! Why me? Why this? Once I finally shut up long enough to listen, God spoke SO clearly to me! I will never forget it. I was sitting there, and the song Healer was playing. The lyrics go:

You hold my every moment.
You calm my raging sea.
You walk with me through fire.
You heal all my disease.
I trust in You.
I trust in You.
I believe You're my Healer.
I believe You are all I need.
I believe You're my Portion.
I believe You're more than enough for me.
Jesus You're all I need.
Nothing is impossible for You.
You hold my world in Your hands.

WHAT?! God was speaking to me - He was trying to tell me that HE is my healer! He holds my every moment. He holds my whole world, my whole life, in His hands. He is more than enough for me. Trying to tell me to trust in Him. That He's with me no matter what I'm facing. I couldn't believe it. When Tolu shared how music spoke to people, I don't think any of us realized he was essentially prophesying what God was about to do that night. I just wept. But this time, they weren't tears of hurt or sadness or anger. They were tears of healing and joy. Tears of much needed peace. Not only was I weeping, but I found myself laughing. Why? Because I had so much joy wash over me that I couldn't contain it. And maybe also because the answer had been right in front of me. I was just too stubborn to accept it. I couldn't help but share what God did with those who were there that night.

God helped me overcome that night. He has helped me overcome so many things in my life. So I ask you - what are you facing or struggling with that you can't seem to shake? Depression? Fear? Lust? Deception? Guess what. I've got the answer for anything you're facing!

God.

His ever ready help and peace.

He's reaching out to you - offering His hand. Offering not only to walk with you, but to carry you through. To take your burden as His own and help you overcome. Are you willing to accept it?

My challenge to you tonight is to spend time listening to God and whatever He has to say to you. Maybe He desires to bring healing to you - physical or emotional. Maybe He just desires to bless you with a strong sense of Himself. Maybe He wants to direct you on the next step for your life. You won't know unless you spend time LISTENING!

Go let God sing His perfect love song over you, and life your life as His love song to the world!

Who Am I?

A couple months ago in youth group, JD - the youth pastor - spoke about how everyone's story is meaningful and powerful. Their story of how God has changed them. Anyone can argue with the Bible, science, and philosophy. But one can not argue with what God has done personally in an individual. Their personal story is their own and what they have experienced for themselves is not something that anyone else can refute. God is the author of our faith and that means every story is just as important as the next. Just as powerful. Just as true.

There is a song by Desperation Band called "Overcome." It comes from the scripture: Romans 12:11 - "They overcame him (Satan) by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony." I believe this is how we should live. Overcoming the world and all that may weigh us down or tempt us or try (and sometimes) break us. Overcoming by what Christ has done for us. Overcoming through our testimony - sharing what God has done in our lives. Like JD said - we all have a story. So - here is a bit of my story and who I am.

Sarah.
Wife.
Daughter.
Granddaughter.
Sister.
Aunt.
Niece.
Friend.
Christian.
Overcomer.

That's me. In 10 words. That describes my life as it is today. If you know nothing more about me, you know enough.

But is it really enough? Is just a brief overview as to who I truly am enough for you to see what God has done in me? What He has brought me through? You would know my name, something about my family, and what I believe in. But what does that matter if you don't know who I was?

This is just part of my story.

When I was little, my dad left my family. He left, and to my knowledge, never looked back. I was oblivious to so much and I blamed myself for him leaving. I thought I had done something wrong at 4 years old to cause my dad to leave.

Shortly after that, one day at church I accepted Christ as my savior. I knew what it meant, and I knew that God loved me no matter what. Another part of me thought that if I did the right thing and ask God into my heart, he would forgive me for whatever I had done wrong and bring my dad back.

Needless to say that didn't happen. While I was growing up, I continued to trust God and believe in Him. I knew He loved me and that He would never give up on me. One of my favorite scriptures has always been Joshua 1:5 - "I will never leave you nor forsake you."

I had a typical childhood. I had friends, went to church, had a good family. But there was something different about my family. We really never had money. My mom was raising 3 young girls as a single parent who was left with next to nothing. She did her best, and I have so many memories of silly traditions like getting up on the day after Thanksgiving to go to Walmart not to buy anything, but to make fun of everyone else there. Or waking up in the middle of the night to go outside and watch a meteor shower. Or Christmas Eve putting on pajamas, making hot chocolate and driving around looking at Christmas lights. These and many others are special memories that I will cherish forever. We didn't take regular vacations like all my friends and we didn't have the newest greatest stuff. But we had more than enough because we had each other.

It wasn't easy not having money, but we survived. As I got older, I started to make less than good decisions of friends. In middle school, I started hanging out with the wrong people at school. I was a different person there than I was at church and home. I thought I had to be "cool" to be accepted.

It was around that same time I started really reflecting on my dad leaving. I had kind of pushed those emotions and feelings away for years. But they all started surfacing. I spent hours crying and thinking I wasn't good enough. I spent hours being angry at my friends who complained about the dads. I had friends who said they wish their dad would just go away or that they hated their dad. I just wanted to look at them and tell them how lucky they were to have a dad to hate. They didn't realize how fortunate they were.

Throughout high school, I struggled with who I was. I just wanted to be accepted. I didn't always make the best decisions. I didn't always choose the most uplifting friends. I didn't always make the best decisions in who I dated. I was surrounding myself with people who would accept me for me and who I thought would be least likely to hurt me. I began to neglect my relationship with God, and more or less

After high school, I decided I needed to make a change. I started seeking God more, and trusting in Him. About a year after I graduated, I fell into a depression. It was hard for me to have any kind of motivation, and I always wanted to be alone. I had made some good, Christian friends, but I didn't really let any of them into my life enough to make a difference. It took me MONTHS to fight that depression.

That summer, 2009, Andy and I started dating. We had dated for a few months in high school, but me and my daddy-issues broke up with him. He was willing to give me a second chance - one I wasn't willing to miss out on. Through our relationship, God has helped me overcome many of the worries and fears I faced for the majority of my life. Andy has been with me through so much, and I can say that I wouldn't be the same person without him!

Andy and I got married 1 year and (almost) 8 months ago. Since then, we have grown so much and learned so much about each other. We've fought. We've laughed. We've cried. We've been amazed with God. All of this together. A couple months ago, I fell into depression again.

But God is bigger than that. He already has a way set for us to overcome. Through hours spent in prayer, I have overcome. And you can too! All it takes is a little faith, trust, and pixie dust. Or maybe faith, trust, and prayer!

God desires a close relationship with each of us. He has done His side of the deal. Are you keeping yours??

Well - time to write Part 2 of this crazy story! Stay tuned...

Just a Short Update...

Welp. It's been a little over 6 weeks since I posted last. Well - not exactly. I tried to post 2 weeks ago and it didn't publish or save my draft. I was a bit frustrated because I felt like it was a really good post and like I was supposed to have written it. But the more I think about what I wrote, I realize it was more from myself and not the leading of God. So - maybe we are all better off without that one.

With that said, I do feel like God has taught me something this week that I would love to share with you all. So if you can please hold on a bit longer, I will have something up before the weekend is over. Maybe even this evening... we shall see.

Until then,  let God sing over your life!