In my last post, I described myself in 10 simple words. I've written quite a bit on being a wife. I introduced you to my sisters, mom, and gramma. I wrote about one of my aunts. I hope it's clear by now that I love God and am a Christian. I haven't talked much about my life as an aunt, but I have 6 nieces, Andy has 2 nieces, and I have a niece or nephew on the way. So - this post will be devoted to being an OVERCOMER! I know I touched on that a little in my last post, but there is more to my story.
I mentioned that a couple months ago I fell into a depression. I haven't shared with too many people, but in early September, I had a miscarriage. I didn't even know I was pregnant. All of the sudden, this dream was being ripped away from us. It's not something I wish anyone to go through, though I know a lot of women do. This took a toll on me emotionally.
I wrestled with God for weeks. I struggled with being angry with Him. Why would He do this to me. Why would He put my husband and I through this? I struggled so much with the feelings of loss, fear, disappointment, anger, confusion. But did you know, our God is not a God who causes these feelings. These are brought on by Satan himself - by the enemy of our lives. God's desire is one of goodness. And the beauty in it all is that He can take something so devastating and make it into something beautiful.
A few weeks after the miscarriage, I was getting really good at hiding how I was feeling about it all except for at home. My husband sat and held me while I cried so much in those few weeks. But it was still more than I could handle. We were sitting at worship practice one night, and God spoke to me through the music and through a friend.
One of the guys who used to go to our church and be involved in the worship team was visiting and spoke to us for a few minutes. Tolu was sharing about his experiences at the International House of Prayer - a 24-hour prayer/worship room. They have them all over and it is a wonderful experience if you ever get the chance to visit one. He shared about how sometimes people will come up and say that they were touched by a certain song. Or how the lyrics spoke directly to them and were what they needed to hear. Music is powerful, and music that glorifies God can do miraculous things!
We went on to have a time of prayer and worship. I went on to wrestle with God again. I was crying out to Him, asking Him why, why why!! Why me? Why this? Once I finally shut up long enough to listen, God spoke SO clearly to me! I will never forget it. I was sitting there, and the song Healer was playing. The lyrics go:
You hold my every moment.
You calm my raging sea.
You walk with me through fire.
You heal all my disease.
I trust in You.
I trust in You.
I believe You're my Healer.
I believe You are all I need.
I believe You're my Portion.
I believe You're more than enough for me.
Jesus You're all I need.
Nothing is impossible for You.
You hold my world in Your hands.
WHAT?! God was speaking to me - He was trying to tell me that HE is my healer! He holds my every moment. He holds my whole world, my whole life, in His hands. He is more than enough for me. Trying to tell me to trust in Him. That He's with me no matter what I'm facing. I couldn't believe it. When Tolu shared how music spoke to people, I don't think any of us realized he was essentially prophesying what God was about to do that night. I just wept. But this time, they weren't tears of hurt or sadness or anger. They were tears of healing and joy. Tears of much needed peace. Not only was I weeping, but I found myself laughing. Why? Because I had so much joy wash over me that I couldn't contain it. And maybe also because the answer had been right in front of me. I was just too stubborn to accept it. I couldn't help but share what God did with those who were there that night.
God helped me overcome that night. He has helped me overcome so many things in my life. So I ask you - what are you facing or struggling with that you can't seem to shake? Depression? Fear? Lust? Deception? Guess what. I've got the answer for anything you're facing!
God.
His ever ready help and peace.
He's reaching out to you - offering His hand. Offering not only to walk with you, but to carry you through. To take your burden as His own and help you overcome. Are you willing to accept it?
My challenge to you tonight is to spend time listening to God and whatever He has to say to you. Maybe He desires to bring healing to you - physical or emotional. Maybe He just desires to bless you with a strong sense of Himself. Maybe He wants to direct you on the next step for your life. You won't know unless you spend time LISTENING!
Go let God sing His perfect love song over you, and life your life as His love song to the world!
Thursday, November 29, 2012
Who Am I?
A couple months ago in youth group, JD - the youth pastor - spoke about how everyone's story is meaningful and powerful. Their story of how God has changed them. Anyone can argue with the Bible, science, and philosophy. But one can not argue with what God has done personally in an individual. Their personal story is their own and what they have experienced for themselves is not something that anyone else can refute. God is the author of our faith and that means every story is just as important as the next. Just as powerful. Just as true.
Sarah.
Wife.
Daughter.
Granddaughter.
Sister.
Aunt.
Niece.
Friend.
Christian.
Overcomer.
That's me. In 10 words. That describes my life as it is today. If you know nothing more about me, you know enough.
But is it really enough? Is just a brief overview as to who I truly am enough for you to see what God has done in me? What He has brought me through? You would know my name, something about my family, and what I believe in. But what does that matter if you don't know who I was?
This is just part of my story.
When I was little, my dad left my family. He left, and to my knowledge, never looked back. I was oblivious to so much and I blamed myself for him leaving. I thought I had done something wrong at 4 years old to cause my dad to leave.
Shortly after that, one day at church I accepted Christ as my savior. I knew what it meant, and I knew that God loved me no matter what. Another part of me thought that if I did the right thing and ask God into my heart, he would forgive me for whatever I had done wrong and bring my dad back.
Needless to say that didn't happen. While I was growing up, I continued to trust God and believe in Him. I knew He loved me and that He would never give up on me. One of my favorite scriptures has always been Joshua 1:5 - "I will never leave you nor forsake you."
I had a typical childhood. I had friends, went to church, had a good family. But there was something different about my family. We really never had money. My mom was raising 3 young girls as a single parent who was left with next to nothing. She did her best, and I have so many memories of silly traditions like getting up on the day after Thanksgiving to go to Walmart not to buy anything, but to make fun of everyone else there. Or waking up in the middle of the night to go outside and watch a meteor shower. Or Christmas Eve putting on pajamas, making hot chocolate and driving around looking at Christmas lights. These and many others are special memories that I will cherish forever. We didn't take regular vacations like all my friends and we didn't have the newest greatest stuff. But we had more than enough because we had each other.
It wasn't easy not having money, but we survived. As I got older, I started to make less than good decisions of friends. In middle school, I started hanging out with the wrong people at school. I was a different person there than I was at church and home. I thought I had to be "cool" to be accepted.
It was around that same time I started really reflecting on my dad leaving. I had kind of pushed those emotions and feelings away for years. But they all started surfacing. I spent hours crying and thinking I wasn't good enough. I spent hours being angry at my friends who complained about the dads. I had friends who said they wish their dad would just go away or that they hated their dad. I just wanted to look at them and tell them how lucky they were to have a dad to hate. They didn't realize how fortunate they were.
Throughout high school, I struggled with who I was. I just wanted to be accepted. I didn't always make the best decisions. I didn't always choose the most uplifting friends. I didn't always make the best decisions in who I dated. I was surrounding myself with people who would accept me for me and who I thought would be least likely to hurt me. I began to neglect my relationship with God, and more or less
After high school, I decided I needed to make a change. I started seeking God more, and trusting in Him. About a year after I graduated, I fell into a depression. It was hard for me to have any kind of motivation, and I always wanted to be alone. I had made some good, Christian friends, but I didn't really let any of them into my life enough to make a difference. It took me MONTHS to fight that depression.
That summer, 2009, Andy and I started dating. We had dated for a few months in high school, but me and my daddy-issues broke up with him. He was willing to give me a second chance - one I wasn't willing to miss out on. Through our relationship, God has helped me overcome many of the worries and fears I faced for the majority of my life. Andy has been with me through so much, and I can say that I wouldn't be the same person without him!
Andy and I got married 1 year and (almost) 8 months ago. Since then, we have grown so much and learned so much about each other. We've fought. We've laughed. We've cried. We've been amazed with God. All of this together. A couple months ago, I fell into depression again.
But God is bigger than that. He already has a way set for us to overcome. Through hours spent in prayer, I have overcome. And you can too! All it takes is a little faith, trust, and pixie dust. Or maybe faith, trust, and prayer!
God desires a close relationship with each of us. He has done His side of the deal. Are you keeping yours??
Well - time to write Part 2 of this crazy story! Stay tuned...
There is a song by Desperation Band called "Overcome." It comes from the scripture: Romans 12:11 - "They overcame him (Satan) by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony." I believe this is how we should live. Overcoming the world and all that may weigh us down or tempt us or try (and sometimes) break us. Overcoming by what Christ has done for us. Overcoming through our testimony - sharing what God has done in our lives. Like JD said - we all have a story. So - here is a bit of my story and who I am.
Sarah.
Wife.
Daughter.
Granddaughter.
Sister.
Aunt.
Niece.
Friend.
Christian.
Overcomer.
That's me. In 10 words. That describes my life as it is today. If you know nothing more about me, you know enough.
But is it really enough? Is just a brief overview as to who I truly am enough for you to see what God has done in me? What He has brought me through? You would know my name, something about my family, and what I believe in. But what does that matter if you don't know who I was?
This is just part of my story.
When I was little, my dad left my family. He left, and to my knowledge, never looked back. I was oblivious to so much and I blamed myself for him leaving. I thought I had done something wrong at 4 years old to cause my dad to leave.
Shortly after that, one day at church I accepted Christ as my savior. I knew what it meant, and I knew that God loved me no matter what. Another part of me thought that if I did the right thing and ask God into my heart, he would forgive me for whatever I had done wrong and bring my dad back.
Needless to say that didn't happen. While I was growing up, I continued to trust God and believe in Him. I knew He loved me and that He would never give up on me. One of my favorite scriptures has always been Joshua 1:5 - "I will never leave you nor forsake you."
I had a typical childhood. I had friends, went to church, had a good family. But there was something different about my family. We really never had money. My mom was raising 3 young girls as a single parent who was left with next to nothing. She did her best, and I have so many memories of silly traditions like getting up on the day after Thanksgiving to go to Walmart not to buy anything, but to make fun of everyone else there. Or waking up in the middle of the night to go outside and watch a meteor shower. Or Christmas Eve putting on pajamas, making hot chocolate and driving around looking at Christmas lights. These and many others are special memories that I will cherish forever. We didn't take regular vacations like all my friends and we didn't have the newest greatest stuff. But we had more than enough because we had each other.
It wasn't easy not having money, but we survived. As I got older, I started to make less than good decisions of friends. In middle school, I started hanging out with the wrong people at school. I was a different person there than I was at church and home. I thought I had to be "cool" to be accepted.
It was around that same time I started really reflecting on my dad leaving. I had kind of pushed those emotions and feelings away for years. But they all started surfacing. I spent hours crying and thinking I wasn't good enough. I spent hours being angry at my friends who complained about the dads. I had friends who said they wish their dad would just go away or that they hated their dad. I just wanted to look at them and tell them how lucky they were to have a dad to hate. They didn't realize how fortunate they were.
Throughout high school, I struggled with who I was. I just wanted to be accepted. I didn't always make the best decisions. I didn't always choose the most uplifting friends. I didn't always make the best decisions in who I dated. I was surrounding myself with people who would accept me for me and who I thought would be least likely to hurt me. I began to neglect my relationship with God, and more or less
After high school, I decided I needed to make a change. I started seeking God more, and trusting in Him. About a year after I graduated, I fell into a depression. It was hard for me to have any kind of motivation, and I always wanted to be alone. I had made some good, Christian friends, but I didn't really let any of them into my life enough to make a difference. It took me MONTHS to fight that depression.
That summer, 2009, Andy and I started dating. We had dated for a few months in high school, but me and my daddy-issues broke up with him. He was willing to give me a second chance - one I wasn't willing to miss out on. Through our relationship, God has helped me overcome many of the worries and fears I faced for the majority of my life. Andy has been with me through so much, and I can say that I wouldn't be the same person without him!
Andy and I got married 1 year and (almost) 8 months ago. Since then, we have grown so much and learned so much about each other. We've fought. We've laughed. We've cried. We've been amazed with God. All of this together. A couple months ago, I fell into depression again.
But God is bigger than that. He already has a way set for us to overcome. Through hours spent in prayer, I have overcome. And you can too! All it takes is a little faith, trust, and pixie dust. Or maybe faith, trust, and prayer!
God desires a close relationship with each of us. He has done His side of the deal. Are you keeping yours??
Well - time to write Part 2 of this crazy story! Stay tuned...
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