Another Blog Post About LOVE!

This month of February, the subject of love is a hot topic. Usually you hear about how to be a better spouse, how to have a better relationship, how to attract a significant other, and many other similar advice musings. There's so much celebration of our love for others. There's an entire holiday for it! But what about a different kind of love?

Loving yourself!

Do you ever have those days when loving yourself just doesn't come natural? Like. You wake up and from step one you just can't seem to get it right. Or you find that no matter how hard you try, you just can't get out of a funk and then you get to the point where you just stop trying to unfunkify your day? Or you have those days where you just feel like - how am I possibly worth anything? And you get to the point where you feel like you just don't matter. You see the value in everyone but yourself.

You know those days I'm talking about!

Can you tell I've had a lot of those kind of days in my life? I've learned on those days to cling to the truth of God's Word to hold and sustain me and carry me through those funks and into His beautiful love and reality of who I am!

Multiple times in the Bible the reminder and command is given to love your neighbor as yourself, as a way to obey God and show that we love Him.

But how can we love others when we don't first love ourselves?

I've heard that question more than once in my life, and it has stuck with me. On those days that I can't seem to accept the value in myself, I am reminded that I can't fully love those around me if I don't even love myself. I can't fully love God if I deny my own worth, His creation.

Now, I'm not saying that we have to be self-centered, prideful, conceited snobs. I'm saying let's accept ourselves for who we are. People who may not always get it right, but who can try anyway. People who see value in our own reflections, inside and out! God created us the way He wanted us, flaws (or, rather, perceived flaws) and all! So why do we so often sell ourselves short? Why do we deny God the chance to take pride in His creation?

When you find yourself in the midst of "one of those day" I would encourage you to try one or all of the following 5 ideas and see what kind of difference it can make!!

>Look in the mirror and find at least one thing you can focus on to be positive about!

Many times it can be so easy to get sucked into the vortex of the new colony of zits that popped up overnight, hair that is less than cooperative, lovely bags under the eyes from life that just seems to be accelerating like crazy, and/or a few extra pounds that just won't disappear. Of course I never have to worry about any of those things. I mean, come on, perfect person typing here!!

In between all of the unflattering visions staring back from the mirror, there is still something there to appreciate. For me, it's my freckles or my eyes. Though most days I will say I need mascara because my eyelashes are so light that they seem to be non-existent otherwise. Or my foundation, which I use to conceal the lovely redness that lives on my face, covers up my freckles. But when I look in the mirror, before I've put any make-up on, I get a little smile seeing my freckles and my bare eyes.

What is that one physical quality you can choose to embrace about yourself? Maybe the uniqueness of your skin tone, your hair color, your feet? What can you look at to remind yourself of your beauty or handsomeness? You'll find that those less than perfect things that you can't seem to shake will begin to be less ugly in your mind.

>Thank God for another day!

It may be dreary weather, you may be fighting to get yourself out of bed, you may not have any excitement about what's ahead, but you are alive and breathing!!

You know what that means? That means God is still working in your life. That means God still has a purpose for you. That means His mercy and grace is new in your life for today! That means that you still have worth. That means whatever the day holds, no matter how happy or disappointing or difficult, God has given you His grace to go through another day. He is with you, and given you another breath of His life to sustain you.

And for all of that, we should daily thank Him! You'll be amazed at how your days will begin to be more bearable when, with your first breath, you thank God for another day and for His presence and provision.

>Remember that God, the Creator of the Universe, created you, uniquely and perfectly!

People can argue the origin of man all they want, but when it comes down to it, there a few undeniable facts about humans.

*Each human who has ever walked this earth has their own specific DNA that is uniquely their own.

*Each human who has ever walked this earth has their own specific fingerprints that are uniquely their own. And even more than that, each individual person's 10 fingers (or however many they have) has its own unique fingerprint.

*The inner workings of the human body are so amazingly, intricately interconnected. To me, that points to a designer. To others, that is nothing more than science.

Whichever side you stand on, you can still appreciate that you are unique. You are a masterpiece. The truth that I live by, the truth of the Bible, God's Word, tells me that God created me by hand. I have been created with a purpose, with worth.

When I look around and see the snow-capped mountains, or the most beautiful sunset over the plains of the Midwest, or the delicate flowers and trees, or the night sky full of stars, I can't help but be in awe of the Creator of these things. I can't help but be in awe over the fact that the same Creator of the beauty around me also created me! He created you!!

And He created you with a purpose and worth. When you allow yourself to accept and embrace that, you will begin to see your circumstances from the view of purpose and hope instead of despair.

>Stop letting other people's negativity affect you!

So many times we allow ourselves to buy into the negative, stupid, and often untruthful things people say about us. Why do we do that to ourselves? It's hard enough, at times, to speak and think about ourselves in a positive light without having to worry about what other people are saying.

There is no good that comes from surrounding yourself with people who cause you to feel lower about yourself. Whether it's a significant other, a good friend, a family member, or a coworker, if they seem to live to tear you down, maybe it is time to rethink your association with them. I realize you can't change some of those situations - you can't just say that Uncle Bob is no longer part of your family and Jill from work won't suddenly just stop existing. But maybe you can choose to interact with that person on a less frequent basis if possible. And if not, whenever anything negative is said, just go on and brush your shoulders off. And pray for grace to deal with that.

Either way, begin to find others who will truly build you up. Find people who are positive and encouraging. (K-Love radio, your catchy tag line has struck again!) Also, allow yourself to be reminded of the masterpiece that God created in you. For fear of sounding like a broken record, I'll simply refer you to the previous sections for more on this.

As you begin to weed out the negativity and replace that with positivity and truth about who you are, you will begin to see yourself through less jaded lenses.

>Do something to bless others!

Just like you should have people in your life who encourage and bless you, you should also be a blessing to others.

Maybe it's as simple as holding the door open for someone. Maybe it's sending a note to someone just to say hi. Maybe it's making a meal for someone in need, or buying someone's gas.

Whatever it is, when you do something to bless others, you will begin to feel better about yourself, leading to more self-love, leading to a better ability to love others!

So. DO you love yourself??

Loving others has to truly begin with loving yourself correctly. It's okay to love yourself. Loving yourself does not equate to pride or conceit. It is simply accepting your worth and not letting yourself believe the lies that you are less than amazing in your own right.

As Christ sings His love over you, go out and share that love with others!

Why I Choose To Think INSIDE The Box

We are told so often that we should "think outside the box." At least I know I have heard that over and over again. We should consider other people's opinions. We should look at a given situation from a different point-of-view. We shouldn't rely on just what we see, but what it could be. These are all great things, and I do agree that at times, thinking outside the box is exactly what we need to do to be successful.

Yet I would say that there are times in life when we need to think inside the box.

WHAT?! But doesn't that go against what we know?

Yes. But isn't that sometimes the point?

Here's a little of my story:

A little over 2 years ago, I was told by my doctor that it would be very difficult for me to have children. To the point that she suggested using fertility drugs when Andy and I decided we were ready to start a family. I wasn't sold on the idea then, and there hasn't been a time in the past 2 years when I felt that was an option. As much as we have wanted children since day 1 of marriage, it just hasn't seemed like we were supposed to take that step. At least not yet.

Fast forward to right at 1 year after that, and God spoke very clearly to me through 3 different people that His promise for me was to have a child/children of my own. It was overwhelmingly joyful for me to hear that. With the prospect of difficulties, I was given a promise of health and healing for my body. Andy and I were given the promise of our own children.

For the past year, I have gone through feeling disappointed and like God had forgotten His promise to me. That God had forgotten me. Yet every time I began to allow myself to fall into that cycle of thinking, God proved His faithfulness in some area of my life. Whether it was a work of healing in my body, His awesome provision, or just experiencing the grace of His presence, He reminded me over and over that I have not once left His thoughts.

This summer, I again had the privilege of working at Royal Family KIDS Camp. One night, I stayed up talking to a good friend who also volunteers at camp. We were talking about the promises God has over our lives and how we are waiting to see what those promises fully hold for us. His was the promise of family, and though he had not yet been married or had children, he saw that promise being lived out through his life in a different way. Andy and I have the promise of children, and while we do not have children of our own, we also see that being lived out in other ways.

God showed me the illustration that our life is made up of boxes. As we move from one point in life to the next, He transitions us from one box to the next. His promise of family or children is not only for the future, but for the here and now as well. My friend was living in his "Family" box while being the father-figure to hurting children at RFKCamp, feeding into the lives of the boys he was mentoring at his church, and by being a brother and son to those around him. God's promise of him being a family man was being lived out in the box he was called to be in at that point in time. Now, God is in the process of transitioning him to his next "Family" box as he prepares to get married in just a few months, and become a step-father to his soon-to-be-wife's son. The label of family has manifested itself in my friend's life in different ways, but has always been true to the promise of God.

As I sit here, reflecting after yet another negative pregnancy test, I am not left feeling sad or disappointed. Rather I am left feeling hopeful. Hopeful because I know my journey is one of WHEN and not IF! Hopeful because God has not chosen now as the perfect time for us to receive the child or children He has prepared for us to take care of. Hopeful because while we do not yet have a child to call our own, we have a total of 8 wonderful, beautiful nieces, 1 awesome, handsome nephew, and 2 more nieces/nephews on the way. We have the children at church that God is allowing us to feed in to. We have the hurting kids at Royal Family KIDS who God has blessed us with reaching. God has promised us children of our own, promised us motherhood and fatherhood. Until our biological children come along, God has placed us in a position of influence in the lives of many children. My "Mommy" box will one day include giving birth and raising a child/children, but until then, I will live in the "Mommy" box God has placed me in for the time being.

I am choosing to live and daily think within the box God has called me to live in at the moment. What can I do to fulfill my duty as "Mother" as it applies to me today? How can I allow that to prepare me for my next box? He hasn't called any one of us to become something without first giving us the tools to do so. He is growing me through my experiences now so I can best fulfill my next stage of life.

What promises has God placed over your life? How can you live those out where you are now? Sometimes we think we know what God's intentions are, and we miss out on what He has for us today. We get so caught up in the disappointment that He has forgotten us that we fail to appreciate where He has called us to be for now. What does your box look like and what can you do to ensure that you think inside that box?

I found this button this week to remind me to always look at my life through the eyes of God's promises fulfilled. To remember that even if I don't see the end result of that promise, I can still live that out through the box I am in today!

Go live within your box as you live out Christ's love to the world!!

Embraceable You

When I've had a rough day, I simply long for my husband's embrace. Nothing more than to be held in his arms. There is just something so comforting about his strong arms holding me, seemingly protecting me from all that life has thrown at me.

When I was younger, just sitting with my mom crying as she held me had healing qualities.

I'm sure if some of you think of your father's arms, they hold special memories. Times when that's all you needed. The only thing that could heal your broken heart or make your world a little more okay.

It makes me wonder what the true embrace of Christ feels like. If an earthly hug and embrace can be so comforting, how much more are the arms of God? How much more can they truly protect our hearts?

During worship at church on Sunday, we sang Forever Reign by Hillsong. I've sang this song so many times, but this time, I was just completely overwhelmed with the idea of what being embraced by God would be like. What it should be like.

The lyrics talk about running in to the arms of God. How nothing can possibly compare to His embrace. They speak of how in all of our shortcomings, all of our pain, He is the answer to it all. He is all that we need. Why, then, do we not run straight in to His arms. Why do we not call out the name of Jesus above all else? Why do we look to other humans for comfort before looking to Christ?

Maybe it's because our finite human brains seek out that tangible source. That physical touch or voice. We feel the need to have our answers and comfort right in front of us. Because we couldn't possibly feel out of control for even one moment. Instead, we should be running to the One who created us! The One who has gone before us, is walking with us now, and is already in our future!

Once we realize that, our lives will change! Our comfort will not simply come from humans who will fail us. It will come first and foremost from the One who has never failed us, and who never will! Our everything is found in the name of Jesus.

As amazing as it is to be held by my husband, knowing that he loves me as best as he can, it is more amazing still how the love of God can completely cover me. It permeates into my very being. There is an undeniable feeling of His presence that overwhelms me. And that feeling really is tangible. The love of Christ is greater than anything I could ever physically encounter on Earth.

Running to the arms of Christ is an active pursuit. A couple weeks ago I was back home visiting family. My heart was overwhelmed when my nieces saw me. They dropped what they were doing, and RAN with arms open wide as they said my name. They didn't stop until my arms were around them, hugging and embracing their little selves. It was an amazing feeling, and again reminded me of what it looks like to pursue Christ.

We should drop all that we are. All of the plans we have for ourselves. All of the ideas of who we should be. And actively pursue His embrace. We should not stop until we are in His presence. Our entire life should be an active pursuit of all that He is.

Here are more of the lyrics: "My heart will sing no other name. Jesus. Jesus!" These words should be our entire life!

As my nieces ran to me, crying out my name, I again saw the picture of our pursuit of Christ. They couldn't contain their excitement to see me. And it made my heart so happy. We should have that same excitement (and even greater) when we seek God. We should be so overwhelmed with the joy of being with Him that we can't help but proclaim His name always. Our heart's cry should be for all that He is concerned with. Our hearts should reflect Jesus.

May my heart never stop crying out for my Savior. May I never take my focus off His face. May I never get so caught up in life that I one day realize I have taken myself away from His intimate embrace.

May I start today to actively pursue all that Christ is and wants for me. My prayer is that you will join me in that pursuit!

May the embrace of Christ be a tangible feeling and experience for us all as we pursue Him! As we run to His arms, He will shower us with His perfect love. And as He loves us, He gives us the strength to love others.

As God sings His love over you, go sing His love song to the world!

Fervent Friday - ReMoved

This week's installment is a video that speaks closely to an organization that is very near and dear to my heart. I will be putting up a blog post in the next couple weeks about Royal Family KIDS, an organization that exists to reach out to children who have been abused, neglected, or abandoned,  so be on the lookout for that!!

This video is a look into the life of a little girl who is removed from her home and placed in foster care, all from her point of view. I've watched this video at least a dozen times now, and each time, I find myself crying and welling up with emotion. It's stories like this that make it very hard for me to sit back and do nothing!

Please let me know how the video spoke to you, and if you would like more information about being involved in making a difference!

If you are unable to view the video below, you can see it here: ReMoved Video

-Go sing God's love song to the world!

Fervent Friday - The More I Seek You

This week's Fervent Friday is a song that I have loved for almost eight years now. I was introduced to it while on a youth group missions trip in Chicago, and it has stayed my heart's desire. Here are the simple and beautiful lyrics. Click title of song for the link to listen! 

The More I Seek You

-Kari Jobe

The more I seek You, the more I find You.

The more I find You, the more I love You.

I wanna sit at Your feet,

Drink from the cup in Your hand,

Lay back against You and breathe,

Feel Your heart beat.

This love is so deep, it's more than I can stand.

I melt in Your peace.

It's overwhelming.

When I think of laying back against someone, being so close that I can hear their heart beating, I am brought to a place of trust, vulnerability, and total intimacy. The more we seek to be close to God, the more He reveals His love and character to us. His Father heart longs to hold us and have us know Him in the most intimate way.

I'd love to hear how this song spoke to you! Converse, create an artistic response (poem, picture, song...), or just simply comment!!

-Go sing God's love song to the world!

Fervent Friday - The Kiss

This week's Fervent Friday post is a poem I wrote right around five years ago. I had been going through a creative dry spell and God laid these words on my heart about the truth of Christ's love for us. I hope it blesses you as it has me these past few years.

(Again, I'd love for this to be interactive. Comments, creative responses, and the like are welcome, encouraged, and appreciated.)


The Kiss
By: Sarah A. Newkirk

You received the kiss of death
Yet You freely give the kiss of life,
With righteousness and peace,
That we may know Your glory and life,
That we may glory in You.
You were born
That You may die,
To give us life!
How could I ever repay You,
Oh, Lord?
How could I ever come close
To being like You?
It took the kiss of death
To give us life and breath
In You!


Isn't it wonderful that the story doesn't end there? Christ took death upon Himself for us, but He broke the bonds of sin in us when He rose from the grave and defeated Satan. We can truly live in the freedom Christ gave us when He willingly took our place and overcame even death itself! We can now be more alive in Christ than we could ever be on our own.

-Go sing God's love song to the world!

My Prince Charming Is Not

Prince Charming. You see him in movies. You hear about him in fairy tales. He is the one to rescue the princess who has found herself in an unfortunate situation. He is regal and thinks of nothing but saving his princess. He is handsome and always looks his best. He never smells weird or wears clothes that his princess would be embarrassed by. And according to everything I just said, my husband is no Prince Charming. He does not live up to those expectations that every little girl has when she watches her favorite Disney movie.

Andy is a farm boy. He does not always have the right words to say to make me feel better. He dreams (like, in his sleep) about farming, and that is just weird to me. He sometimes gets preoccupied with work and does not always have the time to do what I would like because of it. He is very handsome, but sometimes he comes home dusty and dirty, smelling like whatever chemicals or grain he has been around that day. His fashion sense is non-existent. He is no Prince Charming.

And sometimes I fault him for not being what I expected. When he falls short, I wonder why he does not try harder. Truth is, he is one of the hardest working people I know. He worked his way through college so he could graduate debt free (happy dance!!). He spends extra hours at work, even on Saturdays in order to get the job done. He would go out of his way to lend a hand when and where it is needed. When he puts his mind to something, there is no stopping him. I am truly proud of his hard work and determination, and I love him all the more for it!

But can I tell you a secret? I do not always love my husband. WHAT?! You must be thinking I am the worst wife ever. But I think I would be a worse wife if I lied and said I did. And I would be willing to bet he does not always love me. Our marriage must be doomed, right? Nope!

Loving a person who fails is not always easy. Loving someone else when you yourself are not perfect is not always easy. Loving someone who gets on your nerves sometimes, who you sometimes disagree with, who sometimes says the absolute wrong thing, who does not live up to all of your expectations. That is not an easy thing to do. Sometimes you find that the love you have for them is nowhere to be found.

I do not always love my husband, but even in those moments, he is still my best friend. He is that one person that I want to talk to, laugh with, laugh AT, and just simply spend time with. God has given us the grace needed to get through those rough patches and come out with more love in our hearts for each other.

Marriage is not about having all the right answers. It is about discovering each other and learning to appreciate the things that make both individuals who they are. Andy may not always have it all together, and I know I am worse than he is most times. But together, with God leading us, we are invincible! God has given us strength and patience for each other.

I have learned a lot from marriage. But more than anything, I have learned that my husband will never be 100% perfect or 100% the person I need him to be 100% of the time, and I will never be those things for him either. And it is in those shortcomings that we learn to be a better couple. It is through those times that the love we truly have for each other is strengthened.

I have learned that I would choose a life with a stinky, goofy, strange, unfashionable, hard-working, encouraging man than a life with Prince Charming any day! Because Prince Charming would never get over the fact that my hair is not always in place, my make up is not always perfect (pretty much almost never), I am messy, and I do not always handle my emotions with grace. But my husband accepts all of that and loves me still.

I will leave you with a few pictures from a day that my hair and make up were perfect, we smiled all day (until it hurt), and we undoubtedly felt love for each other. (Photo cred goes out to http://www.orangepeelphoto.com/)

This was the look on my husband's face the first time he saw me on our wedding day. We did a first look before the ceremony, just the two of us (and our photographers), and we exchanged personalized vows that we wrote for each other. This look on his face is unlike any I could have even imagined!

This sums up our relationship perfectly! We are goofy, and I would not trade it for the world!

He kissed me on the tip of my nose before kissing me on the lips. Again, perfect!

Fervent Fridays - Build Your Kingdom Here

In an attempt to get myself on here more regularly, I have decided to start a regular posting every Friday. I am calling this "Fervent Fridays" and will post a song, scripture, video or other form of media that is especially close to my heart. I enjoy digging in to what God has for me, and find joy in sharing that with others. I hope you find these regular Friday posts as a source of encouragement as we experience little gems from God together! Along with some, I may write a short (or, knowing myself, long) blurb about what that particular item means to me. With others, I may just leave you to receive what God gives you through it. Either way, my desire is for this to be an interactive post. I'd love to hear what God speaks to you through the different outlets. I'd love for all of us to gain insight from each other, not just my ramblings.

Welp. Here's the first of hopefully many!!

Today, I'd like to share with you a song that has been my favorite for a few weeks now. The first time I heard it, I fell in love with its passion, prayer, timeliness. It is the desire of my heart to always echo the words spoken, as it should be for all of us! Enjoy, and please let me know what you think! Remember, it's about the words, not necessarily the style of the music. :)

"Build Your Kingdom Here" by the Rend Collective Experiment

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YcSWpVKKMcs

-Go sing God's love song to the world!

You've Got That Grace Amazing

Grace - I've heard it used in different ways. From acting in a graceful manner to gracing someone with your presence. From being used as a name to being the prayer we pray before our meals. In preparation for what I felt God calling me to write about, I got on dictionary.com and looked up the word GRACE. I wanted to better understand the many aspects of such a simple, beautiful, and yet complex word. Many times we hear grace right along with Christ and what He has done for us. Maybe I could come to understand more of who He is by looking in to this one little word. What I found truly kicked me in the gut. As I read the many definitions of grace, I found that in nearly each one, I was realizing something about the character and true nature of God, which brought me to tears. I would like to start out (or rather finish this introduction) by saying that God has placed the topic of grace on my heart tonight not only to hopefully reach to someone else, but to grab me and reveal Himself to me in this moment. Even know, I am listening to worship music and weeping at the beauty and sweetness of my Creator!

I am going to share with you the definitions of grace and how they speak to who God is, and the way He can truly turn our world upside-down (in the best way possible!) if we let him! Grace can be used as either a noun or a verb. That in itself is amazing to me, because God is not limited to a box, but rather a being so great that He cannot be contained!

NOUNS:

-Elegance or beauty of form, manner, motion, or action. Other words that could be used in this definition are attractiveness, charm, ease. Now, I have never seen God, though I am excited for that opportunity one day when He decides to call me to my true home in Heaven with Him! While I haven't seen Him, I have seen His beauty and elegance displayed in my life and around me. From the beautiful sunrises which He has painted, to the people around me, whose spirits have been created in His image. Creation gains its beauty from its Creator.

-Favor or goodwill. Other words could include kindness and love. Many verses in the Bible point that God is love. He shows favor on us, His children! Does this mean your life will be without trial, temptation, struggle? NO! It means that His grace, His favor, is over you through whatever valley you may face! He has already won and overcome those moments before you were even born! His favor extended to you before you even imagined what may come. And He is already in your tomorrow, clearing the path for you, if you will choose to follow Him and trust in Him. His love and kindness are not kept from His children, but rather lavished upon us as we lean on Him and live as He has shown us.

-Manifestation of favor, especially by a superior. Other words include forgiveness and charity. God is very much our superior, but how awesome that He is also our friend! He has not so far removed Himself from us that He refuses His grace -His forgiveness! Last Sunday in church, the speaker shared that forgiveness is painful. It costs the forgiver something. And that sometimes forgiveness causes us to draw that person in to a place of closeness with us. God is no exception. His cost of extending forgiveness to us? Christ crucified. Christ knew what was going to happen; He told his disciples about it ahead of time down to the betrayal and death. He could have, at any point, said "no" to what he was on earth to do. Being fully God, he could have chosen to release himself back to the safety of Heaven and avoided being beaten, broken, crucified, and forsaken. But how amazing that his love and forgiveness reached farther than any realms that could have possibly confined him! His forgiveness was given to you when he CHOSE to die on the cross. His forgiveness continues to extend to you. It breaks his heart every time you choose to sin, but his forgiveness is extended, and he is awaiting our repentant heart to turn back to Him! He is not a three-strikes-you're-out kind of god. He is a I-love-you-so-much-that-no-sin-is-too-great-for-me-to-stop-loving-you kind of god.

-Mercy, clemency, pardon. This is maybe the most compelling part of the "noun" of grace for me. God has shown us grace through mercy and pardon. But from what? From ourselves, the world around us, eternal separation from Him. Being born of human flesh, we are instantly doomed to a life without our Creator, but He has extended his mercy so that we have an escape from the evil of the world and from the destination that brings us to. Consider a prisoner on death row. His final destination is what - the electric chair, lethal injection - Death. But what would happen if he were pardoned? He would no longer face death, but rather have the opportunity to live his life fully. This is the same for us! Our pardon has been made. We no longer belong to this world, and I think we can all shout "AMEN" to that! What we deserved, we no longer face once we accept what Christ did for us and live according to that pardon.

VERBS:

-To lend or add grace to. Other words include adorn, embellish, beautify, enhance. It may not seem like that's adding much, but as I look at it and apply that to my life, it's amazing! The sentence that dictionary.com uses to show this word in context is: "Many fine paintings graced the rooms of the house." What does this mean in context of God's grace? When I think of the sample sentence the website used, I see it perfectly! My favorite painting - Starry Night by Vincent VanGogh - is featured prominently in my home. I am proud to own even a copy of it! I enjoy looking at it and sharing it with others. I admire it and feel a connection with the painter himself. Now. Take God. If a painting is meant to adorn, embellish, enhance my surrounding, how much more should God?? Do I feature him in my home and in my life? Am I proud to follow Him? Do I display what He has done in my life so others may see and enjoy it as well? Am I allowing Him to enhance and beautify my life in a way only He is capable of? That is what we should be doing! No, He's not a painting that we can hang on the wall, or in my case, right above our big screen TV so it's always a focal point! But He should be our most proud feature. The one thing in our life that we can't seem to stop bragging about! Is that what He is in your life? I know I still have work to do!

-To favor or honor. As in - to grace an occasion with one's presence. This is very similar to the previous definition, but I think it takes it a step farther. It is not only the effect of being present, but the very presence itself. When God graces you with His presence, He simply allows you into His presence! He makes His environment yours, and your environment His. In reality, we are in the constant presence of God, yet at times we feel it more prominently than at others. Have you ever had that "mountain top moment" where you feel God's presence so strong you could almost reach out and touch Him? Isn't it an amazing feeling? In those moments, He has fully graced you with His presence. As I said, He is always with us, we just don't always feel Him. Why? It could be a possible valley or wilderness that you are walking through and His presence is there, but softly, allowing you to build your trust and faith in Him. It could be that you are being too stubborn to sense Him. It could be sin in your life that you are holding on to. Whatever it is, He is still with you! He has never left you, and He never will. You are his prized possession.

Well, those are the definitions of grace according to dictionary.com and according to Christ and his character. 

In all honesty, this post is about a week overdue. God has been laying it on my heart to dig in and learn what His grace looks like. I have made excuse after excuse not to. Finally, I decided to follow that, and in turn, I have been given a clearer picture of who God is in my life. May my life be one that strives to display Him to those around me! His grace is His beauty, kindness, forgiveness, mercy and love. He graces us through elevating our life to a new level with Him, and through being ever present, whether we feel it or not.

My challenge to you is that you would spend time alone with God today. Ask Him to truly grace you with His presence as you seek Him. Allow Him to sing His love and mercy over you so completely. Then go sing that same love song over those around you. Do not be ashamed of Christ, but rather display His goodness in your life so openly! 

What Is Love? Baby, Don't Hurt Me!

Let me just start out by saying just how wonderful it feels to be blogging right now! My last post was in November. 8 months without posting anything is just WAY TOO long! I've sat down a couple times since then and started one, but never finished it. Well. This time I'm actually going to!

Since my last post, my husband graduated college (YAY!!!), we moved to Nebraska (so not any different than living in Kansas...lame), and we have started going to a new church. I had gone to the same church for 20 years, so to be at a point where we were scouting out and having to find a new place to call home just felt weird. It took only one time of visiting our now home church to know that God wanted us there. We have started getting involved in the men's and women's Bible studies, as well as the worship team. It is a blessing to be able to use the gifts God gave me!

The women's study we are currently doing is called Named By God. It is a great study by Kasey Van Norman. It's a great study that digs through your past, present, and future as a person and a child of God. To any and all women - I encourage you to pick up her book or go through the study. God has broken me and helped me let go of past hurts while He speaks over me my true worth in Him!

I was on Facebook earlier this morning and saw an update from Kasey Van Norman. It was simply put, yet so profound. "God's love for His own is not a pampering love; it is a perfecting love."

WOW! Sometimes we have to see something in front of us before we truly grasp a great truth about who God is! God loves us - I hope we all know that! How God loves us is beyond compare.

Have you ever sat there and been angry at God because He didn't allow something to happen in your life? Or maybe you suffered a great consequence due to sin or doubt in your life. If God really loves you, would He have let you suffer in that way? That seems like a tough question to answer. But really, it's quite simple.

God loves us too much to let us be stupid humans! Sometimes we think because God loves us, our lives will be without struggle and without correction. When we stumble and fall, we expect God to let us be on our way without consequence. We think - I learned my lesson. I'll do better next time! But He loves us too much not to discipline us!

When I was younger, if I lied or disobeyed my mom, I would get spanked. Oh my goodness! I know. Call the police. My mother spanked me. Many times. Why? Because I kept choosing to disobey. Would a parent allow their child to continue to lie, steal, hurt others, or do something that could be dangerous? No, because even we as humans have enough love to correct that behavior and allow the child to live better.

How much more does God love us as His children? It's not all butterflies and unicorns. He loves us enough to, through correction and discipline, continually break us of our flesh. His desire is for us to live according to His will and calling. To live a life pleasing to Him, honoring Him in all we do and say. To live a life that is encouraging to others instead of creating stumbling blocks. We earn the discipline God gives us by what we do.

His perfecting love is also shown in what He allows us to endure. Did you lose your job? Do you have a sick family member with a bleak outlook? Do you still struggle with what that next step is going to be? Sometimes God allows us to go through a period of wilderness in our lives in order to grow us into the man or woman He calls us to be. Sometimes those trials and hardships come not to break our spirit, but to cause us to truly lean on Him!

He loves us enough to not let us do life on our own. He gives us those gentle (and sometimes not-so-gentle) reminders that He is in control and all we have to do is trust in Him!

So. What does God's discipline look like in your life? In what ways has He shown you HE is in control and that your trust needs to be fully in Him? Are you in a period of wilderness in your life? If so, what is God trying to teach you?

Take time to praise God for His discipline and for that wilderness, because that shows us He truly loves you and desires more for your life! He loves to sing His love and mercy over you! Accept that, and go sing His love song to the world around you!

Overcomer

In my last post, I described myself in 10 simple words. I've written quite a bit on being a wife. I introduced you to my sisters, mom, and gramma. I wrote about one of my aunts. I hope it's clear by now that I love God and am a Christian. I haven't talked much about my life as an aunt, but I have 6 nieces, Andy has 2 nieces, and I have a niece or nephew on the way. So - this post will be devoted to being an OVERCOMER! I know I touched on that a little in my last post, but there is more to my story.

I mentioned that a couple months ago I fell into a depression. I haven't shared with too many people, but in early September, I had a miscarriage. I didn't even know I was pregnant. All of the sudden, this dream was being ripped away from us. It's not something I wish anyone to go through, though I know a lot of women do. This took a toll on me emotionally.

I wrestled with God for weeks. I struggled with being angry with Him. Why would He do this to me. Why would He put my husband and I through this? I struggled so much with the feelings of loss, fear, disappointment, anger, confusion. But did you know, our God is not a God who causes these feelings. These are brought on by Satan himself - by the enemy of our lives. God's desire is one of goodness. And the beauty in it all is that He can take something so devastating and make it into something beautiful.

A few weeks after the miscarriage, I was getting really good at hiding how I was feeling about it all except for at home. My husband sat and held me while I cried so much in those few weeks. But it was still more than I could handle. We were sitting at worship practice one night, and God spoke to me through the music and through a friend.

One of the guys who used to go to our church and be involved in the worship team was visiting and spoke to us for a few minutes. Tolu was sharing about his experiences at the International House of Prayer - a 24-hour prayer/worship room. They have them all over and it is a wonderful experience if you ever get the chance to visit one. He shared about how sometimes people will come up and say that they were touched by a certain song. Or how the lyrics spoke directly to them and were what they needed to hear. Music is powerful, and music that glorifies God can do miraculous things!

We went on to have a time of prayer and worship. I went on to wrestle with God again. I was crying out to Him, asking Him why, why why!! Why me? Why this? Once I finally shut up long enough to listen, God spoke SO clearly to me! I will never forget it. I was sitting there, and the song Healer was playing. The lyrics go:

You hold my every moment.
You calm my raging sea.
You walk with me through fire.
You heal all my disease.
I trust in You.
I trust in You.
I believe You're my Healer.
I believe You are all I need.
I believe You're my Portion.
I believe You're more than enough for me.
Jesus You're all I need.
Nothing is impossible for You.
You hold my world in Your hands.

WHAT?! God was speaking to me - He was trying to tell me that HE is my healer! He holds my every moment. He holds my whole world, my whole life, in His hands. He is more than enough for me. Trying to tell me to trust in Him. That He's with me no matter what I'm facing. I couldn't believe it. When Tolu shared how music spoke to people, I don't think any of us realized he was essentially prophesying what God was about to do that night. I just wept. But this time, they weren't tears of hurt or sadness or anger. They were tears of healing and joy. Tears of much needed peace. Not only was I weeping, but I found myself laughing. Why? Because I had so much joy wash over me that I couldn't contain it. And maybe also because the answer had been right in front of me. I was just too stubborn to accept it. I couldn't help but share what God did with those who were there that night.

God helped me overcome that night. He has helped me overcome so many things in my life. So I ask you - what are you facing or struggling with that you can't seem to shake? Depression? Fear? Lust? Deception? Guess what. I've got the answer for anything you're facing!

God.

His ever ready help and peace.

He's reaching out to you - offering His hand. Offering not only to walk with you, but to carry you through. To take your burden as His own and help you overcome. Are you willing to accept it?

My challenge to you tonight is to spend time listening to God and whatever He has to say to you. Maybe He desires to bring healing to you - physical or emotional. Maybe He just desires to bless you with a strong sense of Himself. Maybe He wants to direct you on the next step for your life. You won't know unless you spend time LISTENING!

Go let God sing His perfect love song over you, and life your life as His love song to the world!

Who Am I?

A couple months ago in youth group, JD - the youth pastor - spoke about how everyone's story is meaningful and powerful. Their story of how God has changed them. Anyone can argue with the Bible, science, and philosophy. But one can not argue with what God has done personally in an individual. Their personal story is their own and what they have experienced for themselves is not something that anyone else can refute. God is the author of our faith and that means every story is just as important as the next. Just as powerful. Just as true.

There is a song by Desperation Band called "Overcome." It comes from the scripture: Romans 12:11 - "They overcame him (Satan) by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony." I believe this is how we should live. Overcoming the world and all that may weigh us down or tempt us or try (and sometimes) break us. Overcoming by what Christ has done for us. Overcoming through our testimony - sharing what God has done in our lives. Like JD said - we all have a story. So - here is a bit of my story and who I am.

Sarah.
Wife.
Daughter.
Granddaughter.
Sister.
Aunt.
Niece.
Friend.
Christian.
Overcomer.

That's me. In 10 words. That describes my life as it is today. If you know nothing more about me, you know enough.

But is it really enough? Is just a brief overview as to who I truly am enough for you to see what God has done in me? What He has brought me through? You would know my name, something about my family, and what I believe in. But what does that matter if you don't know who I was?

This is just part of my story.

When I was little, my dad left my family. He left, and to my knowledge, never looked back. I was oblivious to so much and I blamed myself for him leaving. I thought I had done something wrong at 4 years old to cause my dad to leave.

Shortly after that, one day at church I accepted Christ as my savior. I knew what it meant, and I knew that God loved me no matter what. Another part of me thought that if I did the right thing and ask God into my heart, he would forgive me for whatever I had done wrong and bring my dad back.

Needless to say that didn't happen. While I was growing up, I continued to trust God and believe in Him. I knew He loved me and that He would never give up on me. One of my favorite scriptures has always been Joshua 1:5 - "I will never leave you nor forsake you."

I had a typical childhood. I had friends, went to church, had a good family. But there was something different about my family. We really never had money. My mom was raising 3 young girls as a single parent who was left with next to nothing. She did her best, and I have so many memories of silly traditions like getting up on the day after Thanksgiving to go to Walmart not to buy anything, but to make fun of everyone else there. Or waking up in the middle of the night to go outside and watch a meteor shower. Or Christmas Eve putting on pajamas, making hot chocolate and driving around looking at Christmas lights. These and many others are special memories that I will cherish forever. We didn't take regular vacations like all my friends and we didn't have the newest greatest stuff. But we had more than enough because we had each other.

It wasn't easy not having money, but we survived. As I got older, I started to make less than good decisions of friends. In middle school, I started hanging out with the wrong people at school. I was a different person there than I was at church and home. I thought I had to be "cool" to be accepted.

It was around that same time I started really reflecting on my dad leaving. I had kind of pushed those emotions and feelings away for years. But they all started surfacing. I spent hours crying and thinking I wasn't good enough. I spent hours being angry at my friends who complained about the dads. I had friends who said they wish their dad would just go away or that they hated their dad. I just wanted to look at them and tell them how lucky they were to have a dad to hate. They didn't realize how fortunate they were.

Throughout high school, I struggled with who I was. I just wanted to be accepted. I didn't always make the best decisions. I didn't always choose the most uplifting friends. I didn't always make the best decisions in who I dated. I was surrounding myself with people who would accept me for me and who I thought would be least likely to hurt me. I began to neglect my relationship with God, and more or less

After high school, I decided I needed to make a change. I started seeking God more, and trusting in Him. About a year after I graduated, I fell into a depression. It was hard for me to have any kind of motivation, and I always wanted to be alone. I had made some good, Christian friends, but I didn't really let any of them into my life enough to make a difference. It took me MONTHS to fight that depression.

That summer, 2009, Andy and I started dating. We had dated for a few months in high school, but me and my daddy-issues broke up with him. He was willing to give me a second chance - one I wasn't willing to miss out on. Through our relationship, God has helped me overcome many of the worries and fears I faced for the majority of my life. Andy has been with me through so much, and I can say that I wouldn't be the same person without him!

Andy and I got married 1 year and (almost) 8 months ago. Since then, we have grown so much and learned so much about each other. We've fought. We've laughed. We've cried. We've been amazed with God. All of this together. A couple months ago, I fell into depression again.

But God is bigger than that. He already has a way set for us to overcome. Through hours spent in prayer, I have overcome. And you can too! All it takes is a little faith, trust, and pixie dust. Or maybe faith, trust, and prayer!

God desires a close relationship with each of us. He has done His side of the deal. Are you keeping yours??

Well - time to write Part 2 of this crazy story! Stay tuned...

Just a Short Update...

Welp. It's been a little over 6 weeks since I posted last. Well - not exactly. I tried to post 2 weeks ago and it didn't publish or save my draft. I was a bit frustrated because I felt like it was a really good post and like I was supposed to have written it. But the more I think about what I wrote, I realize it was more from myself and not the leading of God. So - maybe we are all better off without that one.

With that said, I do feel like God has taught me something this week that I would love to share with you all. So if you can please hold on a bit longer, I will have something up before the weekend is over. Maybe even this evening... we shall see.

Until then,  let God sing over your life!

Happy 4th of July!!

Okay. So today marks X amount of years that the United States of America has celebrated it's freedom. It's independence. It's identity as a country. The USA looks a lot different today than it did in 1776. Our country is known now for many things. Selfishness. Gluttony. Greed. Laziness. Money.

This would be an easy place to follow that bunny trail into a great big tangent about politics. I'll spare us ALL that conversation. My only comment is this - pray for our leaders! God has allowed them to be in their respective leadership roles - whether you agree with their stands or not. Romans 13:1-2 says: "All of you must yield to the government rulers. No one rules unless God has given him the power to rule, and no one rules now without that power from God. So those who are against the government are really against what God has commanded. And they will bring punishment on themselves." Either way, respect our government authority. When voting time comes -  get out there and vote!

Now - back from that short hop away. We celebrate July 4th as the day the USA gained it's independence. The day a new country was founded. But what was this country founded on? What were the ideals and motivations behind forming this new country 236 years ago? Would our Founding Fathers be proud of the country we have become, or would they be dismayed?

I fear that the latter would be the case. The Pilgrims left England in part for religious freedom. Do we even know what religious freedom is? I'm not sure we can know for sure what it meant back then, but I can tell you what it means to me today.

Religious freedom means I have the right to pray to and worship God freely and without any inhibitions. Religious freedom means I have the right to tell others what God has done in my life. Religious freedom means I don't have to be afraid or ashamed of my faith in my Savior - Jesus Christ. Religious freedom means I have the right to say "no" to the strongholds of the Devil!

Religious freedom means we ALL have those rights! Are you expressing those rights? Maybe more importantly, are you expressing those rights in a loving way?

See - sometimes it can be so easy to be what one may call a Bible-thumper or a religious fanatic. Don't be that bullhorn guy. Sure - some people need that in-your-face-gonna-yell-at-you-till-my-face-turns-blue type of thing to get their attention and realize maybe there really is something more to life! But for the Average Joe or Jill, it's something being said or done in a loving, caring, non-threatening way.

What are we so afraid of, anyway? I mean sure, maybe someone will make fun of you for reading your Bible in the break room at work. Maybe your classmates will say rude - and maybe even hurtful - things about that book report you did on a religious topic. So? Didn't Jesus die on the cross to show his love for us? Didn't he go through the ultimate humiliation of being stripped and beaten and spit on - just to show you that he cares enough to go through that? That he cares about your freedom enough?

Another part of that religious freedom is having an escape from sin! Did you know you have the right and ability to choose not to sin! Pastor Ed - the senior pastor at my church - said on Sunday that a lot of times we think we are compelled to sin or that we don't have a choice. But that it isn't true. God has given us the freedom to say "no" to sin!

The next time you are tempted, remember - God has provided an escape hatch. In any well-planned building, you will find multiple fire escapes. In the case of a fire, those inside the building are offered a way out. It's the same for sin! When you turn on your computer or TV and are tempted to watch something or go to those sites that do nothing but corrupt your thoughts, there's an escape hatch! When you're hanging out with friends and they are doing something that will do nothing but tear you farther from God and the person He calls you to be - there's an escape hatch! It's always there - you just have to realize that and realize you aren't "compelled" to sin!

The way I see it - I'd be stupid not to express my religious freedom! I'd be stupid to allow myself to continue choosing to sin and not accepting that escape that God has provided me. I'd be stupid not to read my Bible in the break room. I'd be stupid not to share the great things God has done in my life and brought me through!

Today marks 236 years that the United States of America celebrates it's freedom! But I challenge you to also make today be the day that you choose to stand upon the religious freedoms you have! We are blessed to live in a country where worshiping God is not punishable by death or alienation. Don't let your religious freedoms go for granted!

As you hang out with friends and family, eat barbeque, go to parades or carnivals, and watch fireworks, let it be a reminder that our country was originally based in part on religious freedom. Let us keep this One Nation Under GOD! And let us keep ourselves people who strive to glorify God and give him the praise in everything we do.

Stay safe and make this life the best it can be!!

How Deep The Father's Love For Us

So. Father's Day is coming up this weekend. Many of you already know - I grew up without a "dad" in my life. What I did grow up with is an amazing mother, 2 big sisters, and a grandmother. My mom raised us to love God. She has been the best mom I could ever imagine. Even so, Father's Day always came with some sadness for me. All my friends made things for their dads and I sat there not knowing what to do - feeling left out.

I look back and wonder what my life would have been like had my dad never left. I can say with all certainty I would not be the same person I am today nor would my life have turned out near as well as it has! It has been a blessing in disguise. A blessing that only my true Father - God - could give!

God has blessed me with so much, and many times I take that for granted. Not only has He blessed me, He has rescued me! Rescued me from the captive holds of Satan.

I was listening to a song the other day - How Deep the Father's Love for Us. I encourage you to listen to it. It's a beautiful realization about how much God has truly done!

Mark 10:45 says "For even the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve others and to give his life as a ransom for many." Ransom - what does that mean? The dictionary definition of "ransom" is "a consideration paid or demanded for the release of someone or something from captivity." The Message phrases Mark 10:45 like this: "He came to serve, not to be served—and then to give away his life in exchange for many who are held hostage."

When a kidnapper takes a child, they hold that child hostage and demand a ransom to return that child to their family. Looking at this Biblical context, I see that the ransom to be paid for my life, and yours, is the blood of Christ - God's loving sacrifice in order to redeem what was always rightfully His. His children. You. Me. Everyone who has ever walked this Earth.

All of humanity is born belonging to God and His perfect plan. But we have all been kidnapped and stolen away by the devil and the world we live in. Christ loves us enough that he gave his LIFE centuries ago to win us back. Is that not amazing?!

Even before you were born, God was thinking about you. His Fatherly love was singing His plan over you. He has done His part to win you back from the strongholds of addiction, fear, sorrow, sin. What will you do to accept that?

We do not belong to this world. Our home and our hope is not in or on this Earth, but rather in Heaven with our Creator. Our Heavenly Father.

This Father's Day, show the dads around you that you appreciate them. Show them how much they mean to you. Don't take them for granted.

But in addition to that, I have a challenge for you. This Father's Day, show your Heavenly Father how much you appreciate the sacrifice and love He has shown! Not sure if you believe in God, I'd love to talk to you! He is the only constant!!


Thanks for reading, and until next time - go out and make this life a great one!

UPDATE...

Hey all! It's been a crazy few weeks. I've completely neglected my blog. I've had so many things I wanted to write about, but haven't had the time. When I HAVE had the time, well - sleep was a little more appealing, unfortunately.

Here's my promise to you - I WILL have a new post up by the time I go to bed tomorrow night - Friday, June 15. Pinky promise!!

If you haven't checked out my other posts before, please read on. If you have - hang tight. Or read my previous Sarahnadings again. In the mean time, go out and make this life the best you can!

Check Yes or No

I was looking through a posting somewhere on the internet yesterday of really funny test answers. Some were humorous. Some were inappropriate. Some were just stupid. One jumped out at me though. There was a test about The Crucible (one of my favorites!). The student answered "Jesus" on every question, and at the top wrote "Jesus is always the answer." I laughed at that and thought that kid must have just been a class-clown.

Then I got to thinking- are those of us who are "believers" (PS- I can't stand that term!) willing to accept and admit that? Do we honestly believe that Jesus is always the answer? Not only that, but do we believe that he HAS all the answers and always answers those who call on Him? Hmmm. Toughies, aren't they?

For a while now I've been feeling myself wondering if God hears my prayers. If He has any intention of answering. What I'm really doing is wondering why God hasn't done what I've asked Him to do. Expecting that what I want is what He's going to do. I've really been struggling with one thing in particular. I've asked God over and over, crying and pleading, and He hasn't answered me yet. Or rather, He hasn't given me what I want.

Do you ever do that? Ask God for something to happen, but really you're telling Him what you think is best and expecting Him to follow suit? The God who created us, who formed the very ground we walk on, who breathed life into the first man. He's just supposed to do what we think is best?

Maybe what you're asking Him to do IS His plan. Maybe it's just not the right time. Can I just say this- God answers ALL prayers! He has three answers (though they may vary).

1.) Yes
2.) No
3.) Not yet/Not in that way

Many of us stop at "yes" and think that's the only thing God is allowed to say to us. If your parents only ever told you yes, would that have been in your best interest? NO! "Mom, can I have all the candy I want and stay up and do anything I want?" "Sure, sweetie! I love you."

Wrong! If a mother answered the child in that way, that's not showing love. That's not knowing the best interest and just saying yes to make the child happy. That mother would maybe allow one piece of candy and send the child to bed, because she already knows what the outcome of too much junk and no sleep will be. The child only sees what it wants.

It's the same with God. We think we know what's best, but in reality, He has only the BEST intentions for our lives! He created each and every one of us with a divine purpose.

So, maybe you've asked God for a raise at work. Maybe you asked for that cute guy you know to fall in love with you. Maybe you asked God to heal your dying family member. Whatever you've asked God, He has heard. And He has answered you. If you don't think He has, maybe it's just because it's not the answer you wanted. Sometimes we have to be still and listen to God's gracious spirit, because He is the only one who knows what's best for each of us.

The next time you ask God for something and think He isn't listening or hasn't answered you, step back and wait on Him. Because sometimes His answers are more perfect than our own.

Well- this is where I sign off for the night. Listen to God and serenade the world with His love!

Alive and Well

This is going to be a slightly different post today. A reflection and remembrance more than anything. It's one of those God moments! His grace and mercy are so great! My last post was about my immediate family. There is another family member I would like for you all to meet. She is in heaven with her Creator and she is more whole now than she EVER was in life! Her name- Diana.

My mom grew up with three older brothers and two older sisters. Her oldest sister, Diana, ended up becoming sort of the black sheep of the family. The majority of her adult life was spent between living on the streets and finding shelter from people who only wanted money from her. She didn't make the best decisions. She did drugs, drank and smoked. She lived her life without a sense of purpose.

A few years ago, she finally cleaned her life up- at least a little more. She began reconnecting with my gramma and mom until three summers ago when she came to spend a week with us. This was the first time I remember meeting her. I didn't really know what to expect.

During that week, I saw so much joy inside of her, in spite of all that she had been through and was still facing. She made me laugh and I truly enjoyed spending time with her. I was able to share some of my poetry with her and I know it was a blessing not only to myself, but to her as well.

I remember her telling me multiple times in just that few days that she could tell that Andy and I were soul mates. He and I had only been dating for a MONTH! She said she could tell we loved each other, even though neither of us had even said that yet.

After her visit with us, I talked to her every once in a while. When I told her Andy and I were engaged, over a year later, she was so excited! She was planning to come to our wedding, but it would have meant her not having a place to live. She even bought a dress and everything, which she later told me she wore to church all the time. I told her if it meant her not having a place to live, I didn't want her to come. I would have loved for her to be there, but her safety and shelter were more important! Little did we know we wouldn't have another chance to see her again.

My birthday was in late October, and for my birthday, Diana sent me a card with three poems she had written for me. She knew how much I love creating and reading poetry. I have to say it is one of the best birthday presents I have ever recieved!

Just a couple weeks later, this past November (2011), my mom got a phone call that my Aunt Diana had gone into a coma. The doctor said it didn't look promising at all. My mom got online and booked a flight to California to see her sister one last time. My gramma was at my other aunt's house in Texas at the time, and she met my mom in CA. It was up to my mom to make the decision to pull the plug. To let her big sister go. This was a difficult process for both my mom and gramma. They were able to say goodbye one last time.

Taken just a couple days before she slipped into a coma. She was going to send it to my mom and gramma. This is the last picture we have of Diana.

My mom spent her time at the hospital reading my aunt's favorite scripture over and over Diana, praying over her and singing worship songs. Science may say that when in a coma, people are not aware of what's going on around them, but I believe that she knew my mom and gramma were there- praying over her and praising God. I believe in her heart- she was doing the same.

Just a few short days later, she passed away. Her body still and gone, but her spirit more alive than ever! There is no doubt in me that she is in Heaven this instant singing with the angels- ever praising her Creator!

I will leave you with the three poems she gave me for my birthday. There is no doubt in my mind from the words she wrote that she is in Heaven today! She didn't know it, but just a month after writing these, she would see the beauty and peace she wrote about. Enjoy, as I have enjoyed them!

#1
I stood on a mountain high
To look up in the shy
Talking to God through Jesus
Telling Him what a wonderful world he has created
Th trees, birds, butterflies and all of nature
But one creation I truly love is the people
The Christian warmth
And their loving ways
You can't beat it
You know them on the streets
By their smiles and sparkling eyes
You know Jesus is near
And you smile back without a word
Telling them how you understand
That there is no greater love
Than God through Jesus

#2
There was a man named Jesus
Who was tortured and beaten
He was a true believer
In his Father God
He never stopped believing
Even in the end
For he knew he had great wealth on the other side
Where there was peace and harmony
All around in this spiritual place
One like no other
Where the wild animals
And man come in harmony with one another
And this was called Paradise
It's full of beauty
Everywhere you look
That your heart is overjoyed
You are free of evil things
That can cause despair
So stay with the one who truly loves you
Who will show you the way
Of all great things
That you deserve

#3
God on high
Looking down on us
To see what we are doing
Believing in the Lord
Who is good
Or the devil
Who is evil
Go the right path
And you will see
All the beauty in the world
Go the wrong path
And all you see
Is the dark side of the devil
Eternal light is what I want
And happiness
So that the Lord is with me
The evil and devil will keep you
Down in love and spirits
So please stay with the Lord
For righteousness, lovingness and kindness

Fam(ILY)

What is family? Is your family those you share blood relation with? Is your family those friends you can't imagine life without? In Hawaii, the word "ohana" means family. This word is used not only for blood-relatives, but close friends as well. I would consider that true for myself. I heard a quote one time that I just love! "People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime. When you figure out which one it is, you will know what to do for each person." I am grateful for everyone who has ever been a part of my life, but those lifetime people- I don't know what I would do without them! My friends mean so much to me, but even more than that, my family is my cornerstone! So- here's where I start bragging on MY family- at least my immediate family.

My sisters mean the world to me! We may not always get along the best, and I may not spend as much time with them as I would like to, but life without them- NO THANKS! Mary and Claire are both older than me and ever since I can remember, I have looked up to them. They are so talented and just a joy to be around! Except for that time when I was little that they told me the hairdryer would suck my brains out. Or that the sauteed onions in my food were worms my mom was trying to make me eat. Or when they told me to name one of my paper dolls Feces because it was a cool name. Or... well. I guess that's all in the past now! I always enjoyed being their guinea pig for makeup and hair (even if my brains got picked out with bobby pins a time or two). I always wanted to be around them, because more than just looking up to them, they were a comfort to me, and still are! I don't think they realize how much they mean to me and how much I appreciate them- and that's not something I should be proud of.

I have another sister as well. I recently had the privilege of meeting Allison. My dad had her before I was born and she stayed with her mom. I grew up never knowing about her until a few years ago. I finally found her and we started talking a couple years ago. She lives a few states away, but Andy and I were able to make it down there for her wedding this past October. Meeting her for the first time was like a dream! It was like finally meeting a missing piece of myself. I enjoy talking to her and getting to know more about her life. I just wish we lived closer so we could get to know each other even better!

My gramma is such an extraordinary lady! If there was ever one regret I had in my life dealing with other people, it would be how little I have shown my appreciation and love for my gramma. She has done so much for me and I have taken her for granted too many times. I remember watching Jeopardy every day with her when I was younger. I've also always enjoyed playing games with her too (except I could do without her Pictionary skills). There is so much more I could have been learning from her over the years. I have decided to ask her to spend a little bit of time each week to just hang out- just the two of us. I look forward to learning more about her life and just talk about anything in general. I love my gramma!

Last, but most definitely not least, my mother. My hero. My rock. She has been through so much hurt in her life. She has overcome so much. God has truly blessed me with an incredible mother. She loves God with everything in her and has lived her life as an inspiration to me. She has been my strength through so much, even though I'm sure in those moments she thought I wanted nothing to do with her. So many times I have been a total poop head to her, but what she doesn't realize is it has been those moments when I've been the most grateful for her!

I have been blessed with an amazing family. I wouldn't know what to do without a single one of them. My mom, gramma and sisters have all played a huge roll in who I am today. I thank God everyday for allowing me to be part of such an incredible group of women.

Does your family know how much you appreciate and love them? Don't let another moment go by without showing them how much they mean to you!

Well- I need to go make dinner. Or at least cook up the three pounds of hamburger meat sitting in my fridge before it goes bad! I hope you will join me for more Sarahnading later! Go make it a great day!!